Thursday, December 18, 2008
Hungry Orc, Angry Roots
Stodgy Legs felt unsure about herself. She arrived at the forest on a dark blue wingless horse, cold and wet with crystal white condensation clinging to her hair. On her feet sparkled the lightest, fleetest shoes she could afford to purchase, and about her stodgy legs clung thick, supportive leggings which she hoped would keep her bottom from jiggling much.
The Orc she had hired for the morning looked slobbery and hungry... perhaps a little too hungry, thought Stodgy Legs. Her androgynous guardian faerie greeted her with a greenish smile, and wordlessly guided her to the edge of the forest. They made their way past bulky, muscular dwarves, toned centaurs and slender young dancing sprites. Stodgy Legs felt oldish and plump amidst the flock of spirited creatures. She dipped her head slightly and handed the nymph-looking woman at the gateway her token.
Her warm up walk through the trees caused the breakfast of various roots in her tummy to roll about. "I need to eat earlier" vowed Stodgy Legs. When five minutes of walking were up, the Orc split the air with a rumbling cry as it was set free from it's chains. Stodgy began to run in terror. "60 second!" she thought. The breakfast roots groaned in anger. Why had she eaten anything? Boom. Boom. Boom. She felt the Orc's huge feet smashing the forest debris behind her. Her lungs worked the air like a punching bag, her heart began to race... and just when she thought she might not make it, her faerie threw a shield of green light around her. 60 seconds were up.
After each rest of 90 seconds the Orc again trampled after Stodgy Legs. She began to feel powerful and free. "I am like the wind!" she thought. Until her heart beats reached 179BPM. "WTF" thought Stodgy Legs. "I am old and out of shape. And who put Britney Spears on my iPod?" By 15 minutes Stodgy began to consider allowing the Orc to kill and eat her. "It would be better that I die than have this tearing sensation in my chest" she grumbled. "I'm going to die of a heart attack anyway. Sooner would be better."
But to her amazement the 20 minutes were spent and she was still alive. Her stodgy legs twinged with pain beneath the leggings. "I eat too many sweet figs", thought Stodgy Legs. "I must have a thousand sweet figs in each of my stodgy legs." She walked slowly for another five minutes and back to the gate.
"See you next time" said the nymph cheerfully, and flipped her hair as she turned her back. Stodgy Legs thought about flicking blue fire beetles into the long, silky hair, but decided it wasn't the nymph's fault that Stodgy was a pudgy elf full of sweet figs.