Wednesday, December 16, 2009


Stodgy Legs Elf was making great strides with her interval training. She could now run 4.5 miles without stopping, and even 5 miles on a good day. She was working toward a 10k. Stodgy was a very, very slow-running elf, but she had a lot of stamina. She could run and run. "Perhaps I should say that I jog, rather than run", thought Stodgy Legs, reasonably.

But Stodgy needed to work on eating less foods. Her plan to watch portions had failed miserably, and now she was caught up in a whirlwind of celebrations during the season of snow faeries and winter sprites. "When January comes, I will begin again" vowed Stodgy Legs.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

The Houses of Healing

Artwork found at

Stodgy Legs Elf was getting fat. There was no denying it. Parts of her body felt foreign to her, like pieces of aliens clinging to her limbs. "This is what happens when I forget to follow my plans!" mourned Stodgy Legs. She didn't mind so much the way she looked, but it was exhausting carrying 30 lbs of aliens around.

"I am finally running again, and I am eating many good berries, roots and leaves... but I eat too many of the many." thought Stodgy Legs Elf. "I will work on cutting down portions." she told herself.

Stodgy was on week #6 of her interval training. "I must not quit now!" she pledged to herself.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Lost at Sea

Stody Legs Elf and Bucket Belly Elf had been so busy traveling to the sea to play with the dolphins that they had quite forgotten their pledge to hike 84 miles along Hadrian's Wall. Their legs felt wobbly after the months of relaxation and their hearts didn't beat as strong as before.

"Perhaps we should move our goal date to another time" said Stodgy Legs.

"You are quite right, of course" replied Bucket Belly. It will take months for us to become strong enough to hike 84 miles, and besides, I am not sure the dragon flight to Scotland correlates with my seasonal rhythms this year."

Stodgy Legs Elf decided that in the meantime she would ride upon her blue daisy with two wheels which she called Felicia Blue Marguerite. She thought it might be good to visit the forest of training three times a week to lift rocks and logs and mossy things that weighed a great deal. Another three days she would pedal Felicia Blue Marguerite and make her heart pound.

"Maybe the bad Kol Astra Hol demons will flee if they hear my heart pounding", Stodgy Legs decided.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Lazy Stodgy Legs Elf

Stodgy Legs Elf had been to the forest of training, but her Orc was not as slobbery and mean as he used to be, and Stodgy found herself being very lax and lazy about running. It was true that Bucket Belly Elf and Stody were planning now to hike 84 miles rather than run 26.2 miles, so she didn't feel too bad about the hikes she had been taking instead. Still, if she was going to be able to make it 84 miles, Stodgy needed to lose a few pounds and build up some lung capacity.

Stody decided to make a new plan for the next eleven days. By then she would be flying by dragon to Aruba for a long break and the training would have to continue there.

"Here is my eleven-day plan", said Stodgy:

Monday: Forest of Training - 30 mins run/walk with Faerie and Orc. 30 minutes of lifting heavy logs and rocks.
Tuesday: Daisy Biking - 1 hr
Forest of Training - 30 mins run/walk with Faerie and Orc. 30 minutes of lifting heavy logs and rocks.
Thursday: Daisy Biking- 1hr
Forest of Training - 30 mins run/walk with Faerie and Orc. 30 minutes of lifting heavy logs and rocks.
Saturday: Yoga- 1 hour, Natural Activity, Hiking
Sunday: Take a Break
Monday: Forest of Training - 30 mins run/walk with Faerie and Orc. 30 minutes of lifting heavy logs and rocks.
Tuesday: Daisy Biking - 1 hr
Forest of Training - 30 mins run/walk with Faerie and Orc. 30 minutes of lifting heavy logs and rocks.
Thursday: Daisy Biking- 1hr

Elf doll sold here.

Monday, April 6, 2009

The Foundations of Stone

Stodgy Legs Elf and Bucket Belly Elf had trained together and were enjoying life. Then they had a brilliant idea. What if they were to face a bigger challenge than the 26.2 mile Portland Marathon? What if they were to fly on the backs of dragons to the famed stone wall of Hadrian and march on their tiny elf feet over the 84 mile path which ran most of it's length?

Bucket and Stodgy decided to consider this option. "Scotland is a lovely place to visit", they thought. Dragon flight masters are charging less than usual right now. Hmmmm.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Stodgy Legs: Resting

Stodgy Legs Elf had been overwhelmed with stress-noogles and still recovering from buzzy-glucks and green dragon illness, but the equinox brought with it a week of rest and finally Stodgy felt some renewal.

"I have enjoyed spending time with the creatures I love", thought Stodgy Legs Elf. "I haven't visited the Forest of Training as often as usual, and I still have some buzzy-glucks in my head, but I think I am ready to train with Ork and Faerie again."

Stodgy needed to expand her running time to match Bucket Belly Elf's fast legs. "His legs are so much swifter than mine when he runs". She pondered his legs. Stodgy liked pondering over Bucket's legs. He had fine, muscular legs. "Hmmmm." thought Stodgy Legs Elf.

Stodgy could walk fast, but she could not run very fast. "I will increase my running time slowly" thought Stodgy. "This week I will double the length of my short runs and I will try to maintain my pace."


Sunday, February 22, 2009

Speak Friend And Enter

Stodgy Legs Elf was overjoyed. She had a new friend and partner who was going to train with her and run the Portland Marathon in October! Not only was he a good friend and training partner, but the man who called himself Bucket Belly Elf was her lover and life partner as well. Now she and her husband were training together once a week.

"It makes me feel like I'm not alone", thought Stodgy Legs Elf. Bucket Belly Elf was in much better shape when he ran, but Stodgy Legs could hold her own at speed-walking. They decided to do a walk-run pattern rather than just run. "That way we will not hurt our old knees, hips, and backs" decided Stodgy and Bucket.

On Saturday Stodgy and Bucket did their first training together. They started easy and slow and did a 10k outside on the mountain trail. There were many elves and dwarves and centaurs and other creatures on foot and on two-wheeled contraptions zooming back and forth in the mountains. It was a warm and sunny day with no frozen lace in the air. Stodgy and Bucket were happy to be training together, but very sore when it was over.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Sad Elf Wakes Up

Stodgy Legs Elf had been in a very dark and sad place for three weeks. She had tried to run, but being sick and running do not pair well. Now Stodgy Legs was finally feeling almost like herself again. She still had many heavy gargoyles of stress clinging to her limbs, but at least most of the buzzy-glucks had left her head, and all of the gooey-mooks had left her tummy.

"I feel like I have wakened from a dream", thought Stodgy Legs Elf. "I will rise up and become an elf who is trying to run again."

Stodgy was ready to return to the Forest of Training and confront Orc.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Feeling Blue

Ever since three dozen buzzy-glucks had crawled into her ears and nose and given her the green dragon illness, Stodgy Legs Elf had been feeling a little blue as well as green. She had missed almost an entire week of visiting the Forest of Training, and this past week she had only allowed Orc to chase her for five minutes at a time with a walking rest in between. "Will I ever get rid of these pesky buzzy-glucks?" wondered Stodgy Legs.

Looking down at her stodgy legs and stodgy arms and stodgy belly, Stodgy Legs Elf felt very, very blue. Many weeks had gone by, yet not a single measure of flesh had been lifted from any of her stodgy parts. "How can I run and run and avoid eating sweet figs and still have so many measures of flesh?" she complained.

There was no doubt about it. Stodgy needed a change in color.

Monday, January 26, 2009

At the Green Dragon

Stodgy Legs Elf was green. She was very green around the gills today. "I have been struck by the Green Dragon illness" thought Stodgy Legs. She did not want to rise up from her soft feathery bed, let alone run in the Forest of Training from Orc.

"One of the discouraging moments in training is when an illness sets you back weeks" moaned Stodgy Legs. She was trying very hard not to feel depressed.


Saturday, January 24, 2009

The Old Forest

Stodgy Legs Elf was in an old forest, feeling old. Every time she tried to run from Orc for more than one mile she would get a pounding headache. Her Elvish heart would beat as if it were trying to fly out of her chest. "I will have to revise my goals and plans" thought Stodgy Legs. Her lips felt like quivering, but she held them firm. Stodgy looked down at her legs. "Why can't you be willowy and fleet?" she asked them.

The best plans are the plans that can be followed. Stodgy Legs knew this. "I must not be too idealistic" she thought. "I must embrace my limitations and love my stodgy legs." So she made the following revision to her plan:

"I cannot run more than one mile at a time. Therefore I will place strategic faerie protection more frequently here and there and I will increase my time with more faerie walking." Stodgy Legs Elf told her blog.

Week Six
M- 5 min walk, 8 min Orc, 3 min Faerie, 5 min Orc, 3 min Faerie, 3 min Orc, 5 min Faerie
W- 5 min walk, 10 min Orc, 3 min Faerie, 5 min Orc, 5 min Faerie, 3 min Orc, 5 min Faerie
F- 10 min Orc, 3 min Faerie, 10 min Orc, 8 min Faerie
TTh - 45 mins weight training
SSu - Yoga

Week Seven
MWF - 5 min walk, 10 min Orc, 3 min Faerie, 10 min Orc, 3 min Faerie, 10 min Orc
TTh - 45 mins weight training
SSu - Yoga

Week Eight
MWF- 5 min walk, 10 min Orc, 2 min Faerie, 10 min Orc, 2 min Faerie, 10 min Orc
TTh - 45 mins weight training
SSu - Yoga

Week Nine
MWF- 5 min walk, 10 min Orc, 1 min Faerie, 10 min Orc, 1 min Faerie, 10 min Orc
TTh - 45 mins weight training
SSu - Yoga

Monday, January 12, 2009

Orc Clobbers Stodgy Legs

It was week #4 and Orc was chasing Stodgy Legs Elf. This was the fourth time Orc had chased her this morning in the Forest of Training. Stodgy was very tired and very sore. Her heart was thumping in her chest to the beat of Orc's clanking feet behind her. As her heart sped up, so did Orc's feet. Thumpity-clank! Thumpity-clank! The beat pounded in Stodgy's ears. "I am going to die", thought Stodgy Legs. "Orc will clobber me with his huge club and I will die."

Half-way through the third running spurt, Stodgy's head split with pain. "Orc has clobbered me right in my head", moaned Stodgy Legs. She remembered from years ago how her head would swell with blood sometimes as she ran, and how she would get migraine headaches when her heart beat was too high. This is how Orc's club felt now. Stodgy felt defeated and overwhelmed.

"I will not give up, but I cannot run with Orc's club clobbering my head", Stodgy Legs Elf said to her feet. Her feet slowed to a walk. Faerie rushed in and threw a dome of protection around her. Stodgy felt her shoulders slump. "I cannot run for that long from Orc yet," she sighed. "I will have to work on my plan. I will have to do week #4 at least twice before I can move on to week #5. I must not die! It is not worth dying!"

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

A Short Cut to Mushrooms

Stodgy Legs Elf was in her third week of training with Orc and Faerie. The forest this day was crowded with folks of all types dancing and chasing each other and lifting heavy objects to the sound of musical rhythms.

One nymph dashed about in front of Stodgy Legs looking thin and willowy with luminescent olive skin. "I will never look like that" thought Stodgy, jealously. She began to imagine what it would be like to be thin and willowy with legs that were anything but stodgy. She saw herself running, engulfed with the breath of Sensarali whisking shining tolvietes about her ankles in little rings of light. She was so distracted by the image in her mind that her Orc almost caught one of her ear tips with his club.

Stodgy left the training forest tired but satisfied with her progress. "I will go home and eat healthy mushrooms for breakfast", she thought. But when Stodgy Legs arrived at her home, the mischievous lace faeries had sprinkled frozen lace in piles so deep around her walkway that she had to take a short cut through the back way to get to her breakfast of mushrooms. "I cannot leave the lace on my walkway", mourned Stodgy Legs Elf. How will the delivery gnomes reach my door? Stodgy spent the next many minutes of the day shoveling frozen lace from her walkway. She was very tired from her training in the forest and now she was exhausted. Stodgy Legs Elf was hungry and wanting to sleep. "Mushrooms do not fill me up" she sighed. She also smelled like mouldy ferns and Orc breath. "I need a shower" thought Stodgy Legs Elf.


Friday, January 2, 2009

An Unexpected Party

Stodgy Legs Elf felt like celebrating. Today she had run faster from the Orc than she had in the past fourteen days, and her heart rate had not exceeded the amount that she hoped it would not exceed. "I can already see change", thought Stodgy Legs. "How unexpected."

"I think I will go out and party this weekend by watching Slumdog Millionaire on the magic screen", said Stodgy Legs to herself. So ended week two of couch to 5K, with an unexpected party.