Many Meetings

Stodgy Legs Elf hadn't used her quill in a very long time. She wanted to run and to write beautiful stories about how she had succeeded at running, but a wiffle-tilt had smaggered her lumbar and caused all kinds of jabbing peevernicks, and as anyone knows, it's impossible to run with jabbing peevernicks connected to one's spine.

"I will have to heal again", thought Stodgy Legs. "In the meantime I will work on strengthening my back and reduce my run to a slow but steady walk.

The worst part about it all was that Stodgy Legs Elf really had very little time to use a quill any more. She had returned to the Elvish School for Elves Who are Gluttons for Pain to become a Master Elf, and was riddled with many meetings that kept her entirely too busy. "Sigh", she thought. "I guess I will have to try to run without telling all the beautiful stories. Perhaps I will pop in occasional and regale the intertwined audience of net with a story of glory or one of failure, sorrow and pain."

Bucket Belly Elf & Stodgy Legs Elf Go to the Wall

Stodgy Legs Elf and Bucket Belly Elf

It was quite some time since Bucket Belly and Stodgy had decided to do the 84-mile Hadrian Wall path hike, and then lost steam when the timing of the Dragon Flight Masters didn't correlate with their seasonal rhythms.   It was time again to renew the pledge.  "We will train this year and hike next summer", they decided.

Stodgy Legs Elf wasn't exactly sure what training for such a long hike would involve, so she decided to do some research and find out. She mostly discovered that she needed to work on her stodgy leg hiking muscles, and her cardiopulmonary strength.  In preparation for the hike, she would start in April 2011 with a rigorous hiking/walking/cardio routine that increased in distance weekly until the actual hike.  But for now she would simply increase her cardio training at the gym to 45 minutes combined with 30 minutes of weight training.  That would be a 15 minute increase over what she was doing now, and a good start.

"It's good to have a reasonable and exciting goal again." thought Stodgy.  "I'm not overdoing it, but I have Scotland and England to look forward to and some time with my best friend and love of my life, Bucket Belly."

The Mirror of Stodgy Elf

Stodgy Legs Elf gazed in the mirror. She remembered a time when the moon caused her long, golden hair to shimmer playfully as she tossed it behind her shoulders without concern. Dashing through the forest on a cool summer evening, muscles would ripple across her back and through her legs. She was much more social back then, much more full of energy... but perhaps not quite as experienced or wise, and surely a little too reckless. Now her hair was darker and shorter and touched by gray strands. Wrinkles played around her eyes and she had a tightness about her mouth. Her skin sagged, ever-so slightly along her back. Her legs... well... she didn't want to think too much about her legs.

She had been trying very hard to make her short, stodgy legs move fast and become less stodgy. It had been six months now. Her muscles felt a little more solid, but the size of her legs remained the same. "I am a thickly built, middle-aged elf", she said to herself, "and nothing is changing about that." A sigh fell from her lips as she sank to the floor, crossing her stodgy legs and attempting to stretch her aching back. Recently, the imps have been busy thrusting daggers of doom into her lower back, hips and knees while she slept. At least that is the only explanation Stodgy could think of for the growing pain. Imps could be very cruel. Especially as an elf became older.

Stodgy Legs thought she might need to visit the medicine shaman in the Woods of Pharmantra to see if there was something physically wrong with her. "The year is half over and I must do something. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to shrink my legs."

In the meantime, Stodgy planned to renew her motivation. July 2 was half way through the year, and that much time gave her a measured five pounds per month to lose in order to make her goal. "That is reasonable", she reasoned.

Using her philosophy based on the river moss, she set forth with the following plan:

Continue eating healthy, whole foods... but stick to planned snacks and meals. Eating extras and betweens is adding up, even if they are healthy!

1 hour workout per day. 2+ hours natural activity.

M-Th: Gym. Weights & Cardio. Walk Zero the Imp Dog

Friday: Hiking

Saturday: vigorous housework

Sunday: yoga

"I must be strong", thought Stodgy Legs Elf. "I'm not truly ancient yet!"

The Great River

In the last few weeks, Stodgy Legs Elf had discovered something about herself. She had lived many hundreds of years, but it had taken her all this time to discover this thing. Once in a while a thing is so obvious that it is hard for an elf to see it. Like the leaves of trees on the path beneath her feet, or glowing green of the moss on a quiet river. Those things that cover everything, are everywhere... which makes them nowhere. Discovering the something that is everywhere and nowhere is like carefully turning the focus on a camera lens to sharpen a new plane within the depth of field. What was invisible, suddenly leaps into view.

The thing that Stodgy Legs had discovered about herself was this: Stodgy had always believed that she failed at fitness plans because she didn't try hard enough, but this was not true. In fact, Stodgy Legs had set many extremely difficult goals, like running 26.2 miles through the woods in bare feet or walking 1,000 miles in one season. She had always succeeded at these goals. It wasn't that she was not trying hard enough, it was that she tried too hard. In the attempt to reach massive goals she worked so hard that her beating elf heart and stodgy legs had rebelled against her once the goal was accomplished. The wicked bansheebrigs in her brain had told her that she was too worn out and deserved a long break. The cunning borgabrigs in her muscles, told her it was all too much and to give up for a few weeks. Before she knew it, Stodgy Legs Elf would not only lose all the strength she had gained, but would end up a dumpy and sad and pudgy Elf with extra stodgy legs all over again.

Stodgy decided it was time to change the pattern of the last several hundred years. She began to set new, more reachable goals that were things she could do for the next hundred years and not be plagued by bansheebrigs or brogabrigs. She slowed down and looked at the moss on the slow, slow river as it moved slow, slowly along. The tiny, winged mossmorphers who flitted just above the moss where they could only be seen by the keenest eye, whispered to her,

Come join us as we float above the lichen,
soft and glowing
Be carried by the river without fighting,
without rowing
Let your effort fit the hushed flow of water,
of the motion
Join the river in repose, yet advancing
to the ocean.

-- Stodgy Legs Elf

Flotsam and Jetsam

Image found: http://www.flickr.com/photos/vamps/158643000/

Stodgy Legs Elf was spiraling down into the dark after being clobbered by a large and angry Rhinitiseroseule. She was doing so well with her running when this ferocious-type beast came to plague her life. He came amidst the swirls of PM2.5 particles in the toxic human air that surrounded her faerie home. She had to fashion a mask of witchspyder webs to cover her mouth and nose just to walk outside, and she could not exert much energy without swelling and becoming blue. "I am not a blue faerie by nature", thought Stodgy Legs. "The color does not fit me well."

But in spite of this tragic setback, Stodgy Legs had lost 5.5 lbs of her Stodgy self in the past two weeks. "I will not miss that part of me", said Stodgy Legs Elf.

Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit

Stodgy Legs Elf was ready to get in touch with the Earth through food. She had always loved the herbs and roots and leafy greens and whole grains of the Earth. This year she decided that it was time to rid herself of polished grains and foods that had been processed and packaged for humans in a hurry. "Life is too beautiful and precious and the Earth is too magnificent for me to rush by it's treasures", thought Stodgy.

Stodgy Legs had decided to cut her portions down, and to eat whole and natural foods again. Every time she did this, she felt more energy and health. "Really, the rewards are so great that it makes little sense to do otherwise", she told herself.

Strider

Stodgy Legs Elf was making great strides with her interval training. She could now run 4.5 miles without stopping, and even 5 miles on a good day. She was working toward a 10k. Stodgy was a very, very slow-running elf, but she had a lot of stamina. She could run and run. "Perhaps I should say that I jog, rather than run", thought Stodgy Legs, reasonably.

But Stodgy needed to work on eating less foods. Her plan to watch portions had failed miserably, and now she was caught up in a whirlwind of celebrations during the season of snow faeries and winter sprites. "When January comes, I will begin again" vowed Stodgy Legs.

The Houses of Healing

Artwork found at http://www.elfwood.com/~kat980/Faerie_CG.2892959.html

Stodgy Legs Elf was getting fat. There was no denying it. Parts of her body felt foreign to her, like pieces of aliens clinging to her limbs. "This is what happens when I forget to follow my plans!" mourned Stodgy Legs. She didn't mind so much the way she looked, but it was exhausting carrying 30 lbs of aliens around.

"I am finally running again, and I am eating many good berries, roots and leaves... but I eat too many of the many." thought Stodgy Legs Elf. "I will work on cutting down portions." she told herself.

Stodgy was on week #6 of her interval training. "I must not quit now!" she pledged to herself.

Lost at Sea

Stody Legs Elf and Bucket Belly Elf had been so busy traveling to the sea to play with the dolphins that they had quite forgotten their pledge to hike 84 miles along Hadrian's Wall. Their legs felt wobbly after the months of relaxation and their hearts didn't beat as strong as before.

"Perhaps we should move our goal date to another time" said Stodgy Legs.

"You are quite right, of course" replied Bucket Belly. It will take months for us to become strong enough to hike 84 miles, and besides, I am not sure the dragon flight to Scotland correlates with my seasonal rhythms this year."

Stodgy Legs Elf decided that in the meantime she would ride upon her blue daisy with two wheels which she called Felicia Blue Marguerite. She thought it might be good to visit the forest of training three times a week to lift rocks and logs and mossy things that weighed a great deal. Another three days she would pedal Felicia Blue Marguerite and make her heart pound.

"Maybe the bad Kol Astra Hol demons will flee if they hear my heart pounding", Stodgy Legs decided.

Lazy Stodgy Legs Elf

Stodgy Legs Elf had been to the forest of training, but her Orc was not as slobbery and mean as he used to be, and Stodgy found herself being very lax and lazy about running. It was true that Bucket Belly Elf and Stody were planning now to hike 84 miles rather than run 26.2 miles, so she didn't feel too bad about the hikes she had been taking instead. Still, if she was going to be able to make it 84 miles, Stodgy needed to lose a few pounds and build up some lung capacity.

Stody decided to make a new plan for the next eleven days. By then she would be flying by dragon to Aruba for a long break and the training would have to continue there.

"Here is my eleven-day plan", said Stodgy:

Monday: Forest of Training - 30 mins run/walk with Faerie and Orc. 30 minutes of lifting heavy logs and rocks.
Tuesday: Daisy Biking - 1 hr
Wednesday: Forest of Training - 30 mins run/walk with Faerie and Orc. 30 minutes of lifting heavy logs and rocks.
Thursday: Daisy Biking- 1hr
Friday: Forest of Training - 30 mins run/walk with Faerie and Orc. 30 minutes of lifting heavy logs and rocks.
Saturday: Yoga- 1 hour, Natural Activity, Hiking
Sunday: Take a Break
Monday: Forest of Training - 30 mins run/walk with Faerie and Orc. 30 minutes of lifting heavy logs and rocks.
Tuesday: Daisy Biking - 1 hr
Wednesday: Forest of Training - 30 mins run/walk with Faerie and Orc. 30 minutes of lifting heavy logs and rocks.
Thursday: Daisy Biking- 1hr

Elf doll sold here.

The Foundations of Stone

Stodgy Legs Elf and Bucket Belly Elf had trained together and were enjoying life. Then they had a brilliant idea. What if they were to face a bigger challenge than the 26.2 mile Portland Marathon? What if they were to fly on the backs of dragons to the famed stone wall of Hadrian and march on their tiny elf feet over the 84 mile path which ran most of it's length?

Bucket and Stodgy decided to consider this option. "Scotland is a lovely place to visit", they thought. Dragon flight masters are charging less than usual right now. Hmmmm.

Stodgy Legs: Resting

Stodgy Legs Elf had been overwhelmed with stress-noogles and still recovering from buzzy-glucks and green dragon illness, but the equinox brought with it a week of rest and finally Stodgy felt some renewal.

"I have enjoyed spending time with the creatures I love", thought Stodgy Legs Elf. "I haven't visited the Forest of Training as often as usual, and I still have some buzzy-glucks in my head, but I think I am ready to train with Ork and Faerie again."

Stodgy needed to expand her running time to match Bucket Belly Elf's fast legs. "His legs are so much swifter than mine when he runs". She pondered his legs. Stodgy liked pondering over Bucket's legs. He had fine, muscular legs. "Hmmmm." thought Stodgy Legs Elf.

Stodgy could walk fast, but she could not run very fast. "I will increase my running time slowly" thought Stodgy. "This week I will double the length of my short runs and I will try to maintain my pace."



Art: http://images1.fanpop.com/images/photos/2100000/Resting-with-a-Friend-fantasy-2185402-700-560.jpg

Speak Friend And Enter

Stodgy Legs Elf was overjoyed. She had a new friend and partner who was going to train with her and run the Portland Marathon in October! Not only was he a good friend and training partner, but the man who called himself Bucket Belly Elf was her lover and life partner as well. Now she and her husband were training together once a week.

"It makes me feel like I'm not alone", thought Stodgy Legs Elf. Bucket Belly Elf was in much better shape when he ran, but Stodgy Legs could hold her own at speed-walking. They decided to do a walk-run pattern rather than just run. "That way we will not hurt our old knees, hips, and backs" decided Stodgy and Bucket.

On Saturday Stodgy and Bucket did their first training together. They started easy and slow and did a 10k outside on the mountain trail. There were many elves and dwarves and centaurs and other creatures on foot and on two-wheeled contraptions zooming back and forth in the mountains. It was a warm and sunny day with no frozen lace in the air. Stodgy and Bucket were happy to be training together, but very sore when it was over.
Artwork: http://www.epilogue.net

Sad Elf Wakes Up

Stodgy Legs Elf had been in a very dark and sad place for three weeks. She had tried to run, but being sick and running do not pair well. Now Stodgy Legs was finally feeling almost like herself again. She still had many heavy gargoyles of stress clinging to her limbs, but at least most of the buzzy-glucks had left her head, and all of the gooey-mooks had left her tummy.

"I feel like I have wakened from a dream", thought Stodgy Legs Elf. "I will rise up and become an elf who is trying to run again."

Stodgy was ready to return to the Forest of Training and confront Orc.

Feeling Blue

Ever since three dozen buzzy-glucks had crawled into her ears and nose and given her the green dragon illness, Stodgy Legs Elf had been feeling a little blue as well as green. She had missed almost an entire week of visiting the Forest of Training, and this past week she had only allowed Orc to chase her for five minutes at a time with a walking rest in between. "Will I ever get rid of these pesky buzzy-glucks?" wondered Stodgy Legs.

Looking down at her stodgy legs and stodgy arms and stodgy belly, Stodgy Legs Elf felt very, very blue. Many weeks had gone by, yet not a single measure of flesh had been lifted from any of her stodgy parts. "How can I run and run and avoid eating sweet figs and still have so many measures of flesh?" she complained.

There was no doubt about it. Stodgy needed a change in color.

At the Green Dragon

Stodgy Legs Elf was green. She was very green around the gills today. "I have been struck by the Green Dragon illness" thought Stodgy Legs. She did not want to rise up from her soft feathery bed, let alone run in the Forest of Training from Orc.

"One of the discouraging moments in training is when an illness sets you back weeks" moaned Stodgy Legs. She was trying very hard not to feel depressed.


Artwork: freakygaming.com

The Old Forest

Stodgy Legs Elf was in an old forest, feeling old. Every time she tried to run from Orc for more than one mile she would get a pounding headache. Her Elvish heart would beat as if it were trying to fly out of her chest. "I will have to revise my goals and plans" thought Stodgy Legs. Her lips felt like quivering, but she held them firm. Stodgy looked down at her legs. "Why can't you be willowy and fleet?" she asked them.

The best plans are the plans that can be followed. Stodgy Legs knew this. "I must not be too idealistic" she thought. "I must embrace my limitations and love my stodgy legs." So she made the following revision to her plan:

"I cannot run more than one mile at a time. Therefore I will place strategic faerie protection more frequently here and there and I will increase my time with more faerie walking." Stodgy Legs Elf told her blog.

Week Six
M- 5 min walk, 8 min Orc, 3 min Faerie, 5 min Orc, 3 min Faerie, 3 min Orc, 5 min Faerie
W- 5 min walk, 10 min Orc, 3 min Faerie, 5 min Orc, 5 min Faerie, 3 min Orc, 5 min Faerie
F- 10 min Orc, 3 min Faerie, 10 min Orc, 8 min Faerie
TTh - 45 mins weight training
SSu - Yoga

Week Seven
MWF - 5 min walk, 10 min Orc, 3 min Faerie, 10 min Orc, 3 min Faerie, 10 min Orc
TTh - 45 mins weight training
SSu - Yoga

Week Eight
MWF- 5 min walk, 10 min Orc, 2 min Faerie, 10 min Orc, 2 min Faerie, 10 min Orc
TTh - 45 mins weight training
SSu - Yoga

Week Nine
MWF- 5 min walk, 10 min Orc, 1 min Faerie, 10 min Orc, 1 min Faerie, 10 min Orc
TTh - 45 mins weight training
SSu - Yoga

Orc Clobbers Stodgy Legs

It was week #4 and Orc was chasing Stodgy Legs Elf. This was the fourth time Orc had chased her this morning in the Forest of Training. Stodgy was very tired and very sore. Her heart was thumping in her chest to the beat of Orc's clanking feet behind her. As her heart sped up, so did Orc's feet. Thumpity-clank! Thumpity-clank! The beat pounded in Stodgy's ears. "I am going to die", thought Stodgy Legs. "Orc will clobber me with his huge club and I will die."

Half-way through the third running spurt, Stodgy's head split with pain. "Orc has clobbered me right in my head", moaned Stodgy Legs. She remembered from years ago how her head would swell with blood sometimes as she ran, and how she would get migraine headaches when her heart beat was too high. This is how Orc's club felt now. Stodgy felt defeated and overwhelmed.

"I will not give up, but I cannot run with Orc's club clobbering my head", Stodgy Legs Elf said to her feet. Her feet slowed to a walk. Faerie rushed in and threw a dome of protection around her. Stodgy felt her shoulders slump. "I cannot run for that long from Orc yet," she sighed. "I will have to work on my plan. I will have to do week #4 at least twice before I can move on to week #5. I must not die! It is not worth dying!"

A Short Cut to Mushrooms

Stodgy Legs Elf was in her third week of training with Orc and Faerie. The forest this day was crowded with folks of all types dancing and chasing each other and lifting heavy objects to the sound of musical rhythms.

One nymph dashed about in front of Stodgy Legs looking thin and willowy with luminescent olive skin. "I will never look like that" thought Stodgy, jealously. She began to imagine what it would be like to be thin and willowy with legs that were anything but stodgy. She saw herself running, engulfed with the breath of Sensarali whisking shining tolvietes about her ankles in little rings of light. She was so distracted by the image in her mind that her Orc almost caught one of her ear tips with his club.

Stodgy left the training forest tired but satisfied with her progress. "I will go home and eat healthy mushrooms for breakfast", she thought. But when Stodgy Legs arrived at her home, the mischievous lace faeries had sprinkled frozen lace in piles so deep around her walkway that she had to take a short cut through the back way to get to her breakfast of mushrooms. "I cannot leave the lace on my walkway", mourned Stodgy Legs Elf. How will the delivery gnomes reach my door? Stodgy spent the next many minutes of the day shoveling frozen lace from her walkway. She was very tired from her training in the forest and now she was exhausted. Stodgy Legs Elf was hungry and wanting to sleep. "Mushrooms do not fill me up" she sighed. She also smelled like mouldy ferns and Orc breath. "I need a shower" thought Stodgy Legs Elf.

Artwork: http://digitalart.org/art/52761/fantasy/snow-fairy/

An Unexpected Party

Stodgy Legs Elf felt like celebrating. Today she had run faster from the Orc than she had in the past fourteen days, and her heart rate had not exceeded the amount that she hoped it would not exceed. "I can already see change", thought Stodgy Legs. "How unexpected."

"I think I will go out and party this weekend by watching Slumdog Millionaire on the magic screen", said Stodgy Legs to herself. So ended week two of couch to 5K, with an unexpected party.

Artwork: http://www.fantasygallery.net/morill/art_6.html